illaminati:

things that seem to be impossible for me to lose:

  • weight
  • my virginity

weirdplantgirl:

“hey do u like plants” (me flirting) 

(Source: blu--ish)

myheart137:

capt9rs:

chepibola:

rnozzarellasticks:

memeluvr2:

my algebra teacher is pregnant and asked my class for baby names and she called on me and i panicked and said luigi

I WAS ON MY PHONE IN ART AND I READ THIS AND LAUGHED OUT LOUD AND A KID NEXT TO ME WAS LIKE “WHO ARE YOU TEXTING” AND I PANICKED AND SAID “LUIGI”

GUYS THIS SHOULD BE A THING. EVERYTIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU SOMETHING AND YOU PANIC JUST SAY LUIGI

luigi! at the disco

i’ve reblogged 3 variations of this already

hatemarriied:

oh man ok apparently this kid at our school saw a kitten before getting on the bus so he just. picked it up. and stuffed it in his hood and he had it in the hood the entire day and it just took naps and he fed it his milk during lunch and every time the cat meowed one of the other kids would like cough or sneeze or shuffle so the teacher couldnt hear it and he even let it walk around on the tables in one class and the teacher never saw it it was so precious life is amazing

cokeflow:

I MISS MY MOM AND MY CATS BUT I LOVE WALKING AROUND NAKED AND DRUNK

kaalashnikov:

how to seduce me:

  • deposit 5000 dollars in my bank account
  • dont talk to me

bangniam:

things to say during sex

  • gee whiz
  • are you feeling it now mister krabs
  • shark bait ooh ha ha
  • lets win this for mother russia
  • whats your gamertag
  • getcha head in the game
  • PULL THE LEVER KRONK

(Source: literallyrad)